Let me be
by Genkai-chan
Summary: A song fic from Cali's point of view on how she cares for Horatio and watched him make the biggest mistake of his life with Marisol. Slight OOC, angst. Song: Let me be the First by Katy Perry.


Let me be

_**I saw you at the grocery store**__**  
**__**Ohh you both looked happy,**__**  
**__**Pickin' out your usual.**__**  
**__**She's a carbon copy**__**  
**__**Of everything you lost **__**  
**__**Of everything I'm not.**__**  
**__**Guess you forgot**__**  
**__**How to pick em'.**_

Seeing you outside of work had always been a treat for me, until I saw you out with her. I'm sure you didn't notice as you both walked by. I lowered my head, not sure why. Usually I would smile and stop you to chat, but not with your arm linked with hers. Eric's sister Marisol didn't seem fit with you, and I wasn't sure how to even talk to you ever since you became engaged to her. We used to go out too, don't you even remember?

It started with the occasional drinks at the bar where I would look after my daddy and it soon became dinners at the local restaurants, exchanging stories about our day even though we were both doing things we were already aware of. And I'm sure once you marry her then you'll really forget the way I looked at you in the lab.

_**If shes the one I heard about,**__**  
**__**I'm disappointed.**__**  
**__**If shes the reason why you left,**__**  
**__**I'm not impressed at all.**__**  
**__**Well this looks like the end**__**  
**__**Yeah we can still be friends.**__**  
**__**Congratulations!**_

You never mentioned her when you were out with me, until one night you told of a woman who was Eric's cancer ridden sister who was in trouble. I guess I should have stopped you there. Marisol isn't much of a catch, she's too needy. It that what you really want? A stereotypical female who can't think for her self? She's not me. And after that chat about her that night, you started becoming busier. I tried to not let my annoyance, concern, and pain show through our day to day lives. But at night I must admit, to my self, that I felt the loneliness sink in. Was I becoming as needy as the woman stealing you away from my eyes?

Now that was a big slap in the face. Reality hit me. I can't blame you for gravitating to such a helpless thing, it's your nature. And it's the exact same nature that will ensure that you and Marisol won't end up happily ever after.

_**Let me be the first, **__**  
**__**To wish you worst**__**  
**__**'Cause I think you deserve each other.**_

Sitting in the lounge at work I can hear Eric and Ryan talking about getting you some sort of present for your wedding. My mind thinks I should just give you a warning. My jealousy gets the better of me and I just swallow my words as I get up to join in, being polite as I always am. With a smile on my face I offer to buy and organize the gift giving.

_**Let me be the curse**__**  
**__**that creeps under your skin.**__**  
**__**Until your heart caves in,**__**  
**__**And you wish she was me **__**  
**__**Again.**__**  
**__**And again,**__**  
**__**And again,**__**  
**__**And again.**_

It had been a long day, and after about a week I managed to buy you some nice wine, I found you out finishing a case with human tracking and I trotted over to you. "Hey." I say and hold you the bottle and card to you. My heart still doesn't hesitate to do flip flop but I keep it down inside. "The team wanted with wish you congratulations." I say, though it seemed obvious. But just in case that fiancé of yours had somehow messed with your brain, I felt I should clarify.

After some small talk I turn to go and set my eyes on the building, because I know you will want me again. You'll want more then what she can give and will want more of what I can offer. I am not like her. And someday you'll take away all the clutter and see where you really are, and who you're really wife. Good luck with that.

_**Someone had to tell the truth **__**  
**__**And I'm always honest.**__**  
**__**I read you like an open book**__**  
**__**And it's obvious to me.**_

The day of the wedding arrived and Eric was having some doubts about his sister marrying Horatio. I couldn't blame him. But for different reasons. I confront Eric in the lab as Horatio is out for a while, I tell him that I don't think Horatio should marry someone just because they have a small amount of time to live. I then see how bitter I must sound. But it's the honest truth. So I didn't have regrets. Eric just said he thought Marisol should rest and not have some much pressure put upon her.

It was clear we were both on different pages, even if we were on the same side. Horatio, you don't love her. And if you do, it's not the kind of love worth marrying over. And asking to marry in a court house, with no family present, that wouldn't be how I would do it. Sure, you're making her happy for now. With those intentions you're causing more harm then help.

_**She's just the one between,**__**  
**__**Headed no where fast.**__**  
**__**Sure its gonna last **__**  
**__**Forever**_.

Why can't you see? This isn't going to end well, I can feel it. And it's not just the sick thought of your lips against hers or your arms around her frail body. She is undeserving of a man like you. And it's going to burn in the end. It's a shame and a waste.

_**Let me be the first, **__**  
**__**To wish you worst**__**  
**__**'Cause I think you deserve each other.**_

You didn't invite anyone to the wedding. Is it because deep down you're ashamed? I mean, what would you really think if I showed up? What would you do? My heart is too damaged to attempt to find out. So I'm sitting in my ballistics lab feeling like a loser. My eyes are boring into my cell phone, watching the time as well as for any incoming calls or messages. Maybe I am hoping a case comes up or maybe the wedding is canceled. The later probably wouldn't happen, even if I prayed.

**_Let me be the curse_**_**  
**_**_that creeps under your skin._**_**  
**_**_Until your heart caves in,_**_**  
**_**_And you wish she was me _**_**  
**_**_Oh._**

After staring at my cell phone for so long, I close it and stand up, the burning in my eyes becoming more noticeable. I don't want to cry over this. I am stronger then this. I just walk out and go to my car. As I reached home, I took a deep breath and wished for one second that you knew the pain you were causing me right now.

_**Let me be the first, **__**  
**__**To wish you worst**__**  
**__**'Cause I think you deserve each other.**_

The next day you came in on time and I hid a grin. Maybe this wasn't what you thought marriage would be. I'm sure without a honeymoon and a wedding night, maybe your morals are put back in order. And maybe you know who I am. I walk past, with folders in my hand, making sure that I won't have to talk to you much today with cases. I can feel you eyes hit me and stick as I keep walking along without a care in the world.

Maybe you were doing her a favor, but now let me do you one. Unrequited love soon becomes hate. And I hate you for picking her over me. I'm dealing with its consequences and now you will too.

**_Let me be the curse_**_**  
**_**_That creeps under your skin._**_**  
**_**_Until your heart caves in _**_**  
**_**_And you wish she was me _**_**  
**_**_Again_**_**  
**_**_And again._**

I know you more then anyone around this place and now that's not something I take pride in. As I start working, time passes and lunch rolls around. A knock comes at my door and I look up and knew it was you. You offer to take me out to lunch and I just smile and decline. This is the way it has to be now. You lost.

**_Ohh you wish,_**_**  
**_**_you wish_**_**  
**_**_you wish._**

Now months later, Marisol is dead and you're all alone. And I'm not sure whether I feel sorry for you or not. I know it's bitter but you had your chance and you never took it. And now Eric and other men are taking interest and I can feel you watching them. And I'm sure you're thinking that you are better then them too.

( I am not sure I like the ending, but R and R and tell me if I should change some of it. )


End file.
